Bad Romance

My Date with a Warlock

 

A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away……AKA, Pflugerville about 10 + years ago, I unknowingly went on a date with a self proclaimed warlock.  Now I’ve always considered myself to be rather open to trying new things however this often gets me into some perplexing situations.  The date itself was rather insignificant, but how he came out of his ‘warlock closet’ is a story I will never forget. (To mask the identity of this person I will refer to him as The Warlock.)

I met The Warlock while working at a department store in Pflugerville.  At the time I was shy about dating and rather soft spoken (definitely not who I am today).  The Warlock approached my register with an outfit ready to purchase and immediately started being flirtatious, which of course made me turn bright red.  When the transaction was complete and I handed him the receipt he said “why don’t you put your number on the back of that receipt”.  You’re probably thinking that is a horrible pick up line, but keep in mind I was shy and not accustom to getting hit on at the time, so of course I gave him my number.  (face palm, I shouldn’t have done that)

He took me to dinner a few days later. When he picked me up I remember his trash filled car smelled of smoke and incense.  I thought to myself, he could have at least tried to make a good first impression, but being the open person I am, I quickly dismissed the thought.  I’m sure he was busy and didn’t have time to clean it.

During the dinner conversation was minimal; we had nothing in common.  I exhausted all of my sports, cars, work and weather conversations I could think of.  The date a complete dud and we were only on appetizers.  Finally the meal comes and I focus on eating as quickly as possible so we can leave, when he begins to tell me a story.  This story has stuck with me to this day and still gives me the jaw dropping reaction when I think of it.  He tells me:

I was at a friend’s house drinking one night with my best friend and my Ex’s best girl friend.  We all got wasted and passed out on the couch.   I woke up when I started feeling tugging on my feet.  My Ex’s friend was pulling off parts of my toe nails and clipping my hair because she was using them to cast a spell on me.

At this point, I didn’t know what to say but my face must have expressed serious concern (more so because I’m on a date with this person and not for his well being).  But I’m trying to be open and listen to his story, its possible this is a not so funny joke. I’ll wait for the punch line before responding. He said

Oh, don’t worry I was able to revoke the spell; my friend and I are warlocks.

I give him a blank stare, hoping he will finish this horrible joke. After all, nobody would tell this type of story on a first date.  Right?

After a few moments I realize he’s serious. Check please!

Dating Tip:  Don’t tell stories like on that the first date.

I am all for people practicing what makes them happy, however this was definitely out of my league.  He did not get a second date.

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